The most dreaded of all questions which elders ask people of our ages is this: “beta shadi kab karogi?” Our marriage-oriented culture is the reason for such unnecessary curiosities arising within our “baray and boray.”

What saddens me is how children, especially girls, grow up with dreams of becoming someone important by their teachers and parents. You often hear the question “What would you like to be when you grow up?” as a child, only to realize later that the pure form of dream and imagination is limited to the young minds only. Time, economy, and especially society starts exerting pressures with thoughts coming from sentences such as “Mein bhi doctor tha..mera beta bhi doctor banayga!”, “Art??? It’s for dumb people!” “Yahan ka to scope hi nai hai beta.” The poor child at the time of selecting his/her specialization courses is left utterly confused with mixed messages.

Shadi article

Once that’s done and over with, people (and the oh-so-close relatives), are still worried. Worried as if it’s their own child whose future is at stake. Alright, agreed, we live in a collectivist society where group dynamics and social norms are given preference to over the individualistic desires. But such extreme concern can be suffocating for the younger generation at times making them unable to explore their own areas of talent. I believe everyone is gifted naturally. Those God gifted skills that, when one explores, discovers his or her own destiny (do I sound like Paolo Coelho?). Anyways, then why is it that most of us can’t soar like free birds to hunt that talent within? I’ll tell you why..

Shadi article 2

It’s the people around us. It’s the people of our very own society who bound us and limit by their never-ending baselessly over-concerned questions. At our age and level (university) the worst of all those questions is: “beta shadi kab karogi?” Girls, I feel your pain whenever you asked this question by known or even sometimes unknown aunties (mostly suspected to be rishta aunties…eekk!) probing this question time to time and reminding us again and again that our sole purpose in life is marriage. Not only do they ask us on our faces, as if we are going to tell them exactly when, where, and with whom we have decided to get married to, they ask our parents! Heightening their already stressful life with yet another thing to worry about.  It’s not as if they know when and who we are getting married to and even if they did, wouldn’t you already know about it?! Please people, relatives, aunties, and especially the most dreaded rishta aunties, give us a break and let us live our lives in peace while you live yours!

So all you married and un-married ladies and lads, just chill, breath, and take yourself more seriously sometimes than others. Don’t deviate from the path you believe you were destined to follow by distractions from surroundings. Once you are yourself, all good things will come to you when it’s their time! Bless us all, Amen.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who’ll decide where to go.”

-Dr. Seuss

Written by :

Areej Khan